For over three decades, I was tethered to conformity, rules, and ideas that matched society to the point of losing myself. Cultural expectations, other neuroses, and belief systems trickled into my core. This was my trauma. A trauma that was (at the time) unrecognized and embraced as normal.
When I am reminded of my trauma from the past, I understand its ability to appear out of nowhere magically. When the trigger erupts, I welcome it with open arms. I give myself grace and understanding that I am a human being who has morphed into her true authentic self. It was only through the most turbulent of times that I reached this state of mind. I can face a trauma once it appears, tackle it, and move it out of my path for good.
I’ve repeated the mantra never to be impacted by the voice of others, and their disbelieve mockery or negative feedback. I was told mockingly that I should “go drop some acid and hit up a Zen retreat,” and that I’m a “witch” for embracing Ayurveda (one of the world’s first and most innovative scientific disciplines, originating in South Asia over 5,000 years ago). I’m saddened that others haven’t opened their hearts and minds to ancient traditions while embracing modern science.
There are two fields: a physical field and an energy field. By leveraging both arenas, we can heal our physical beings. However, it would help if you were open to receiving through the flow. Once the flow has begun, there is no stopping it. Strapping oneself in a closed-minded world, unable to break free from the self-induced shackles that yield constraints on your life is sadness.
Where is all this trauma sourced? My culture did not know the meaning of “trauma.” It is no one’s fault. In the modern era, South Asian generational trauma was exacerbated greatly by the partition of India in 1947. Our relatives faced oppression, domestic violence, abuse, extreme poverty, and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It was a matter of survival. No one had the know-how to dive deep into the mind-body connection, let alone any mental turmoil their loved ones were facing due to trauma.
My parent’s generation adopted a scarcity mindset over abundance, living by the “we must hoard our money, or it will run away” mantra. After all, many immigrants came from poverty to raise their children in the land of riches, the United States of America. There will always be a rainy day; if you lead an existence waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop, life will pass you by. If you don’t stop to smell those roses, they may be dead the next time you come by. There is no way to predict our time on this earth.
Moreover, my parents’ generation did not believe in the concept of stress. The co-dependencies amongst their generation ran rampant, as India is a collective society. A collective linear mindset where one is unwilling (or unable) to break free from the norm only feeds into the path most widely traveled. Trauma, mental illness, and deeply embedded cultural expectations were not recognized.
Next comes my generation, born and raised in the USA and expected to acclimate into predominantly white society. Take 1st grade, for example; I stood out like a sore thumb with my brown skin during my Halloween parade. The shame, disgust, and lack of comradery one feels by growing up in a world where no one looks like you is tremendous. No wonder this environment pushed me into a corner of conformity, extreme shyness, and an inability to connect as a child.
The universe had much more in store for me, as my naivety led me to the most significant eruption of my life. My South Asian spouse had an undiagnosed mental illness his whole life and was now hell-bent on destroying our marriage and family.
So, what did I do? The warrior within my soul erupted. My voice screamed over the mountain tops. My husband was saved but was I ever found?
Yes, the greatest version of myself was set free into the wild. I dove deeper within my spiritual realm to reach my most significant potential. I could now guide and help others on this lifelong journey. I leave you with these words:
1) Break free from the mindset of others. Others’ words, thoughts, and ideas may impact you momentarily, but never let them overtake your entire being.
2) Allow yourself to acknowledge, process, and set free trauma and triggers from the past. Only then will it finally leave you.
3) When your intuition tells you something is not correct, listen to it. Follow the path of the highest resistance to guide you to your destination.
4) Conformity isn’t wrong if it aligns with your core beliefs. We need community, but the magic happens when you bring like-minded people to your circle.
5) It is through the humble ability to learn from others, no matter what their age, demographic, and mindset, that we soar. Personal growth should never stop.